Fat

From Todaycollegetour

Fat. Looking into the mirror all I can do is see it- fat- around my waist, on my stomach and thighs. You may not see it. My friends give me crazy looks when I talk about it. But its there. I see it, hanging just a little over the edge of my pants. And worse, I feel it- jiggling and swinging when I walk. I want to gag. I want to hide. Does everyone else see it too?
Looking at the pages in magazines I see the models hip bones, ribs, and practically every other bone under their skin. I hear some girls call them gross, disgusting and sickening. But all I see is beautiful, attractive…perfect women. I am not like them. But I want to be. I’ve tried everything. I do yoga twice a week. I run two miles every other day. I never overeat. But it’s still there. Fat. An ugly reminder of how imperfect I am.
Well- I’ve tried almost everything. I’ve watched the other girls in my dorm. The ones I ask to come to the gym with me, but never seem interested; the ones that whenever I ask them to come to lunch with me—they’ve always just eaten; the ones that look like the models in magazines, but don’t try half as hard as I do! It angered me for a while. Watching these carbon copies of Kate Moss, Nicole Ricci and Lindsay Lohan shrink into sizes like 00, 0 and 2’s. They were everything I wanted to be but without all the hard work. It angered me until I noticed- they never ate. And if they did, they promptly excused themselves to go to the bathroom- to throw it all back up.
This disgusted me. This frightened me. Don’t they know what kind of negative impact this could be having on their bodies? But looking closer, their bodies seemed fine. Their bodies are…perfect. Perfect. That’s what I want. I want to be perfect. Is this what it takes? Are anorexia and bulimia my only choices??