Guy who Expereinced His Family Being Murdered
From Todaycollegetour
You know why I laugh all the time, why I’m always smiling? You’ve asked me, right? Well, I thought it over. Let’s just say….(gets somber) the alternative doesn’t look so good. I mean, I could be bummed out, pissed off. I could be pissed off…it has been hard…for most people they, they wouldn’t be laughing (Long pause) …most people might not be laughing just on the basics. The worst wasn’t not knowing my dad…the worst wasn’t finding out that my dad was a jack ass, womanizer, drunk, or that he had died…the worst wasn’t having to speak at his wake when I hadn’t even known him. What was I supposed to say? I just thought about what he would have been like if he had been better somehow…(Pause) You can only be so disappointed by someone who never gave a shit about you though…you can be hurt and you can need them, but really they’ve already rejected you – well that’s how it’s always felt anyway… So that wasn’t the worst, I could adapt to that by laughing things off a little more…
(Getting somber) What really hurts, is having to remember hearing from my ten year old niece how her seven year old brother’s head was….blown off while she watched…she was playing dead, bleeding with a bullet through own her chest…ten years old…some guy, some punk…that’s what makes me hurt, that’s what makes me sad...so I laugh, I guess. Crying doesn’t leave much to the imagination.
(Long Pause to Anger) If I really had any guts, I’d just give him what he deserves. I’d kill him. Or, like he did to my family, I’d torture him and kill him. This is confidential, right? Well that’s what I should do. I know how to find him. Maybe I’ll show him what suffering is. He’s in my head all day every day. This psychopath is now a part of me – of how my brain operates, of how much I laugh for god sakes. And I didn’t do anything to deserve it. (Pause) Nevermind me anyway, I got off easy.
(Pause)…Sometimes I wish I were a vengeful person…I’d find him and whoever he cared about…I’d break into his house while he was sleeping, just like he did…I’d drag everyone out of bed like he did to my aunt and nephew and niece and my uncle…I could never do much more than that though…(Pause) He lined them up on their knees downstairs, beat my uncle, the others watched and screamed…then he killed him, murdered him, with a bullet in the head, my aunt watched and screamed and then my aunt was next…then my niece in the chest…he thought he killed her I guess…and my nephew…we couldn’t have an open casket at the funeral…he was seven years old….(Pause) I know this story because my ten year old niece lived to tell what she saw…(Pause)…that girl…(PAUSE)…I can’t do that, I can’t think about it…So I laugh and that’s better, that’s pretty good for me…like I said, the alternative doesn’t leave much to the imagination.
