How boyfriend feels about girlfriend getting abortion.
From Todaycollegetour
(Slightly unkempt, he sits, laughs sadly, sighs)… four months I've been coming here….Four months since I've spoken to her…three years, everyday, and then one day no more…Pause…I've got something I haven't told you…I need to…I'm standing there, sweating, in the lobby of this, I don't even remember driving there, the outskirts of the city, you know. $200, the lady says, looking down at her nails. I can't believe it's me, reaching for my wallet, my credit card. I almost got sick right there...Anyway, nothings in my pockets, other people, people I don't know, are helping me look for it now - seems like forever…some sickly looking girl pulls it out from the cushion of the nasty old stained couch in the waiting room where I'd been sitting. Horrible – a nightmare. Anyway, then she goes in…Pause…Merideth – I thought I'd never say her name again. Pause…The whole time, these people, these other people are talking, laughing the whole time in the waiting room where I'm sitting They're joking you know, making sucking, suction noises…like they were regulars…Where the fuck am I, you know How did I get here?…so surreal. I'm sitting there watching TV, numb, waiting – some stupid show, stupid fucking show…still I'm sittin' there, watching the screen, can't feel a thing, just sick, sick at myself, refusing to feel, knowing though, and I know if I let voices come into my head, I'll never forgive myself…I know, you think it's ridiculous, but that's how it was…god… (weeps, pauses)… Anyway afterward, she comes out…can't look at me – I can't look at her god knows. Some prescription in her hand, we get to the car, "are you OK?" I ask her. She says, "I did it for you". (Pause) I almost threw up. It's hot out, North Carolina summer…I hated her, she disgusted me – I feel sick…She says she wants to go eat, a restaurant…my god…(Pause, getting angry now)….I sit there and watch her, I'm thinking you know I bet she even got pregnant on purpose – tricked me. Why, for this? (Slaps hand on table) It doesn't even matter…It's done and I was there, I paid for it for god sakes, on a credit card. It's been months now, I can't get it out of my head. I didn't know what to do, you know – she was going to do it anyway. She said she'd do it no matter what I did. So, I thought, I got no choice, right? You know, be there for her – be a man – stand by her , Now, she's gone, of course. Its past sorry, it's just done. I'd miss her if I could, oh did I love her, but, I can only be angry and numb and worn and older and (pause shakes his head)…(Sincere, looks Dr. in the eyes) The worst is when you can't feel it though – numb - that's how it is mostly.
