I'm Tired

From Todaycollegetour

 Alright, so here it is. I know every time you ask me I say “fine.” Well, I am so sick of saying it, I think I have worn the word out. It’s actually not even a word to me anymore. So here it is Doc: I’m tired. Simply tired. I’m tired of ambulances, ER’s and doctors’ continuous questions that lead to the same haunting reminder. “We don’t know.” How scary is that? After all the tests, probing, pricking, no results—inconclusive. So I’m shuttled home again, doomed to repeat the same fate.

As I sit in another doctor’s office I am wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Hoping this one will have an answer. An hour later, little results. So, I’m a walking question—when will it happen next? The doctor said next time I won’t be so lucky. [Sarcastically] Awesome.

So, here I am wondering how much more, how much longer. How much more of this could I possibly take? How much more time do I really have? But the funny, and maybe ironic thing is though Doc, isn’t that what we are all wondering?

Time. It can be considered non-existent, or it can be everything. It is a thread that binds us all together, a simple reminder that there just is not enough. So, what do we all do? We have clocks hanging everywhere, watches, and everything else that can continuously tell us what “time” it is. What if we all didn’t care. We simply lived. Not caring about time constraints or years left. Just lived in the moment, live for what we have and be happy where we are. Isn’t this life? Shouldn’t we be happy with what we have and the people in our lives? Hell, maybe I will die tomorrow, maybe we all will, but just because a doctor cannot tell me, or will tell me, why am I bound by that? If we all died tomorrow what will we have left behind?

I may not have the answers. But who does? So, while I am shuttled around from doctor to doctor wondering when all this will end, maybe it’s just the beginning. A revelation that time is a constraint that we should not hold our lives by. Maybe we should simply enjoy the life we have while we have it. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live life to the fullest, and simply enjoy each moment.

You know Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Maybe that’s the lesson from all of this.

I mean we are all going to die, right? [Pause. Wait for answer]Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. Some maybe just sooner than others. So this is our day. Today. The only day we have to live. Enjoy it, I guess, because tomorrow…well we will just have to see.