Not wanting to be an adult, accepting reality

From Todaycollegetour

You know life use to be so easy. When you’re a kid, you can do whatever you want. The only real thing you care about is recess. What happened to that? What happened to the joys of childhood? I suppose we all have to grow up sooner or later. I think I prefer later. All of a sudden I have all these responsibilities. I mean you go to college, and you’re just kind of thrust into this new lifestyle. The choices you make, are all yours, and in the end you have no one to blame but yourself. I don’t think I like all this responsibility. I mean it’s kind of scary. And I know everyone feels this way, and it’s just something you get over, but uh…I mean...I don’t want to get over it. I don’t want this new life that I have. I mean I know I’m being childish right now huh? (Pause) But seriously. I don’t want to grow up. I guess we all have to sooner or later, right?

It’s just that I feel that there is so much out there in life, but I feel content here. I don’t want things to change. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up. My mom and dad use to always say, “Now one of these days you’re going to have to grow up.” Well, who the hell would have thought they would have been right. Damnit. I don’t think I like where this is going. I mean, I know I am sounding petty right now, but seriously who wants to grow up? Who wants to get a job and have all these responsibilities? What happened to the glory days of our childhood where we ran around screaming our heads off not caring about anything?

I wish I could be Buddhist. Did I ever tell you that? I tried once, and well I failed. Buddhists live in the moment—and take comfort and joy of each moment. Carpe Deim! Seize the day! Deep down, I really wish I could be Buddhist. I want to be able to live in the moment, not care about the next. However, all I can do is think about the next thing, the next paper to right, the next test, the next…whatever!

I think that is why I don’t want to grow up. It is not just about responsibilities. It is about something more…something deeper. I think deep down I’m scared. Everything and everyone around me is changing—and maybe I can’t keep up. There is so much going on now, I don’t know what even is going on anymore. When I was a child nothing really mattered except how much fun I was having, now all of a sudden everything seems to matter—grades, choices, life decisions. I mean how the hell am I suppose to know what I want to be? How am I suppose to know what I want to do for the rest of my life?!?

I heard on a tv show “We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?” I think that pretty much sums it up. I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow up, but that’s not going to happen is it? The truth is I need to accept reality, move on, take the chances I am given now right? Well, I suppose I do need to grow up, it is inevitable. Sadly there is nothing I can do about that. I think I’m okay with that though. As much as I don’t want to grow up—why not? Another stage of life I guess.

Well thanks, until next time Doc…