Transcendent Reality

From Todaycollegetour

 Have you ever felt alone? Like even though there are millions of people on this earth you are still alone? There is no one like you, and you are forever doomed to be in isolation?

For some time now, I feel like I am just one. I don’t know where I am going with my life, and very little people seem to care. My mom wants me to be happy, my dad wants me to make money. How do you please them both when what you want to do will not make you money, and what will make you money will not make you happy? I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to feel like I am all alone. But I have a feeling that no matter what I decide I will be.

Everything seems distant. Maybe I am distant. I just don’t seem to connect with the world. You know how some people like to escape reality? Some people cut. Some people shoot. I understand that. Scary, I know. But it’s true. It may be the only way to truly feel anything, and for people to finally see who you are. For me, I escape an easy way—music. Music allows you to escape reality and enter a transcendent world where people listen. But what do you do when the music stops? When your fingers stop rolling over the strings of the guitar or the keys of the piano.

When I play, I feel connected. Even if it is to an instrument. My fingers glide over the keys, over the strings, and my voice is allowed to be heard. But when the guitar goes back in its case, or I walk away from the piano, it all ends. I am left alone.

How do I fix that? How do I become a part of something that I do not understand? I know this world is complicated, and well maybe no one understands it, but what do we do? [Pause]

I’m scared. Scared that I am doomed to walk this world alone. I so bad want to be part of something that I fear I am distancing myself because of it. So, what do I do? How do I find my place in this world that I do not seem a part of? How do I become…me?